Let’s Just Not….

‘Now don’t panic….’ Really?! How am I not supposed to panic after someone starts their sentence with those words. ‘What is it?!’ I immediately start to panic.

My husband went on to tell me that he had gotten a job offer….(so far so good)….it would last 10 weeks….(not terrible so far)….and it was across the country in Atlanta…(Yup. I knew I was right to panic)

The job just popped up out of the blue and was scheduled to last the whole summer. Here it was, the kids’ last week of school. I was planning on launching my blog that week. We were going to have some fun family time this summer. And now…. What am I going to do with the kids?…How will I get any work done?…. I’m going to get lonely….What about ‘me’ time?…How can I survive this?!

Let me first acknowledge that I fully realize people deal with this all the time. Military wives and single moms come to mind. But I am neither of those things and I was freaking out.

There really was no option but to accept the situation, so I figured, I’d just figure it out. I had the kids scheduled for camp 3 days a week, which just left 4 more days. We could do a pool day once a week and grandma could take them for a weekend here and there. Maybe I could schedule a couple of playdates. As for the rest of the time…I guess we were going to be hanging out at the house together. A lot.

The first week was a little bumpy. The kids argued constantly. I heard a lot of ‘What are we doing today?’ and ‘Can we watch another show?’ I felt the stress threatening to break through my composure. So I summoned my trusty friend, the schedule.

I was ready for the next week. I planned relaxed wakeup days, cartoons and hanging out on the couch. Then breakfast together and getting ready for the day. After that… Individual Play Time. ‘What are we doing now mom ?’ ‘I don’t know. What ARE you doing now?

How about playing with some of the toys in your room? You could also read a book, or play with bubbles or the blow up pool I set up for you outside. I am going to be working on the computer for an hour and half and then after that we can have lunch together and do some legos. Ok. Go play now. I love you.’

I was sort of amazed at how quickly this concept started to be accepted. There were fewer and fewer tantrums and complaints about having to turn the tv off. And less visits to ‘just say hi’ to me while I was working. As long as I scheduled the day with some together time, play time and electronic time, and as long as they knew what to expect from the day, things went pretty smoothly.

 

There was even an added bonus. Chores were acceptable together time! Sometimes we would organize my daughters Barbies or clean out the cupboards in their room. Sometimes we fixed broken legos, or reorganized the closet. And they were into it!

One morning it was about 10:00am and we all still had our pajamas on. We didn’t have anything planned and didn’t have anywhere to be. My daughter was upstairs singing to her cd’s, I was in the office organizing the kids’ school projects, and my son was playing with his legos in his room. No one was asking what we were doing next . We were just together, and it felt pretty good.

For many families, including mine, weekends are scheduled as thoroughly as weekdays. Family time often means going somewhere, paying money, and filling the day.  In a desire to provide quality time with our children, we find ourselves packing the day with activities.

But now I see, we might have been missing out on something great. The quiet moments at home. And to be honest, I think this might be a greater gift, for us and for them. The ability to just be. The contentment of calm. Time spent together without the need for a schedule. I know that sometimes I don’t even know what to do with myself if I’m not busy. That’s not something I want my 6 and 8 year old to feel.

Maybe its time for a little ‘doing detox’. Maybe we all should stop doing so much stuff outside of home and just be together. It might be hard at first, but I think that is part of the problem. We are not comfortable unless we are doing, doing, doing.

But as I sit here making bead bracelets with my son and daughter, I see what can easily be missed with the rushed life. That silly moment when my son made a bracelet for his toe. That sweet moment when my daughter helped her brother with a really small bead. Those proud moments when they displayed their work and were amazed at what they were able to do.

What a beautiful afternoon. No distractions. Just us. Together. This is what we need more of. Not another day of driving from one activity to the next. Those are fun too sometimes, but really kids just want more of you. And I realize its not that hard to give it to them.