The One Question That Makes Me CRINGE!

So…what do YOU do…?

OOF! Right in the gut! I get all weird and self -conscious.

Let me start off by saying that this is MY hangup.

Not all stay at home parents are yearning for something else. I personally know SAH moms and dads who are absolutely fulfilled, and feel blessed and happy.

The reason that this question cuts so close to the quick for me is because I want to be doing more.

The problem is…I think being a SAHM is a completely worthy and valuable use of my time. So I don’t want to leave, but I also feel conflicted.

Which has led to quite a few emotionally charged arguments within my heart and mind.

Being a SAHparent was something I had dreamt of since I was young. And I really thought it would be everything I wanted.

Mom’s are usually the magic makers. The ones who produce and direct the memories of childhood. They make things homey, host the holidays, and do all the extra bits to make moments feel momentous.

But if I am being completely honest…I don’t live for the holidays, or love all the party planning, and personalized stuff.

I have never done Elf on a Shelf, I am not the hostess with the most-ess, my house is not a showroom, my nails are never done, and my husband initiates the decorating at holidays.

I tick the boxes, sure, but I’m probably not doing extra. Which makes me kind of the odd man out when it comes to SAHMoms, who are quite often ALL of these things.

Just the other day, I was looking at some mom powered holiday activity or decoration, and I thought to myself…I don’t do that stuff…I wonder if my kids feel like they are missing out?

I remember writing The Cool Mom’s Club, when my kids were little, where I pondered a similar question, and here I am 7 years later still kinda feeling the same way.  

But this time, I quickly snapped out of it and remembered that I am awesome in my own ways.

You really never know what it is that is going to inspire a child in their adult lives. There is no real way to orchestrate the moment where it all comes together for them.

Maybe I thought I would be doing all of those traditional mom things and loving it.

But I just found that I didn’t want to be the sole magic maker of the family.

I wanted to stay home because I felt like I had a lot to offer to my children, and that I needed to be home to focus on that. 

But that other stuff…the laundry, cleaning, errands, cooking , taxying, being last on my list, and the inability to advance in my workplace or get a raise, like EVER?

That doesn’t really work for me longterm.

I also battle this fear that as time goes on, the opportunities for reaching my potential are steadily diminishing.

Because I am not in the work force, I’m not getting practice, or moving up in any industry or career.

And the longer I stay put, the further the world moves on without me.

It feels unfamiliar, even scary, and I feel the ability to grab my dreams slipping away.

I know these are heavy thoughts. And I also know they are not all true…completely.

After the years of living I’ve done, I recognize that I am meant to be exactly what I am.

The desire to want do more is in me for a reason. And the desire to stay home is also part of me for a reason.

So the place I have found myself in is one of discovering how those 2 seemingly opposing instincts could work together.

I had to have a heart to heart with myself.

‘Ok…I will be home because I’ve decided its important to me. But while I’m home raising my kids, I’m ALSO going to keep taking on challenges that push me to grow, enrich me, and give me tools, so that I will be ready to meet my moment when it arrives.’

I’m pretty impatient as a general rule, so this long game I’m playing is making me use all my tools. But seeing the vision and having a game plan is what I needed.

I also like to do the deathbed test: When I look back on my life what do I hope to see? And do I regret anyting?

That usually makes the final determination for me. Because standing at the end of life and feeling like I didn’t go for it, would be the worst.

To the stay at home parent that relates to my struggles, I would say…

Get clear on what you truly value in life, because at the end of the day, those are the things that you will regret NOT tending to.