But WHY…?!

I often come upon instances that remind me of the wisdom of children. Their natural, uncorrupted view of what they encounter. The neutral inquisitiveness that simply seeks answers without the judgements that our adult minds attach to things.

One of the hallmarks of being a child is asking the question ‘Why’ . ‘Why is the sky blue…? Why do worms live in the dirt…? Why do you have to go to work today…? Why can’t I climb that tree…?’

I recently re-discovered the power of this word, and am now obsessed with subjecting everything I do to the question.

Why gives you so much information. It makes you stop and think about what you are doing and if it is actually in alignment with the life you desire for yourself. Why acts as a gauge, to help you examine your relationship with various subjects or activities, to help you determine whether they are a true reflection of the person you intend.

Asking Why can even help you recognize things that you are doing that no longer serve you, but are simply a product of habit.

In my last post, I started questioning why I was imposing such strict deadlines on myself for my passion projects. The answers I found, truly liberated, and even inspired me. The removal of those self-imposed boundaries has opened up space and time in my life, to allow for more creativity and depth in my chosen endeavors.

Part of my penchant for deadlines, besides my constant drive to ‘accomplish’,  comes from my need for structure. I crave order. One practice that helps me maintain that order in my life is my habit of scheduling my daily tasks on Post It notes.

I think its actually a very helpful habit for many reasons.

Every Sunday, I sit down and write daily post its for the entire week. I gather my paper calendar and my phone calendar and start to assign tasks to the days of the week. I include everything to the minute… wake up/coffee time, baths, naps, kids activities, husband’s routine, household chores, and ‘floating’ items that need to fit in between the cracks.

Its also great because, as I’m sure I’ve mentioned, I am an anxious person, and this practice puts my mind at ease. If its on the Post-It, I know its going to get done. There is a palpable ease in my physical and mental stress levels after I have written everything down and assigned a spot for each task for the upcoming week.

The Post -It practice also allows me to be more present in my daily life and the activities I have chosen to do, because I am not constantly panicking that I am forgetting something, or am going to be late for something, or that I will drop the ball on someone who is counting on me.

This great habit can turn ugly however. You can often hear me yelling ‘Where is my Post it! Gosh Darnit, who moved my Post It! Did you touch it? Help me find it!’

I have torn apart the car and my purse, and returned to locations I had parked to see if my Post it had dropped out of the car . I become so rigidly dependent on that Post It that I start to panic when I’ve lost it.

I’m working on that.

In general though, asking Why has been one of the best ways for me to combat my stress.

When I ask myself why I’m doing something, I either find that there is a meaningful reason behind my actions, and I relax in the knowledge that I am spending my time doing something I find important. Or I realize there is not a compelling enough reason for me to continue in a particular action or pursuit, and I’m able to relax and let go.

I won’t lie. Why doesn’t always fix things.

Case in point.

Girl Scout Cookies.

I have an aversion to selling Girl Scout Cookies. Yes, I know, I’m not the Girl Scout. But I have an aversion to seeing, hearing, or being near the process of selling cookies.  I may look calm on the outside, but on the inside I’m cringing. Every. Single. Second.

*Sidenote: I also don’t like to overhear, or be a part of, awkward phone conversations. Which means I avoid phone calls religiously.

But this year, my daughter decided she wanted to sell twice as many cookies as last year.

Dilemma.

Of course I want to support my daughter in her goals. I also don’t want her to develop this illogical social discomfort that I suffer from. But OMG!! I was barely holding it together before, now I’m supposed to crank it up even more!!

The other night my husband told me he might not be able to take her out selling like I had planned in my head, and I had a meltdown. Like a real one.

The panic that flooded me of having to ‘make this happen’ for my daughter, and the knowledge that I was feeling extremely uncomfortable and possibly unable to fulfill her desires, overwhelmed me.

Why, why WHY?!! The word wasn’t working this time.

I went upstairs, got into the bath and started asking the question again.

Why? Why am I like this? Why can’t I do this simple task? Why can’t I get it together?!

Still nothing.

Then I tried to use the word another way.

Why am I putting pressure on myself? Why do I feel that I need to solve this problem? Why am I only seeing one way of supporting my daughter’s goals?

There we go. It reframed the whole situation for me. I DON’T need to solve this problem. Just because my daughter made a goal for herself does not mean I need to take on the task. I’m here to support her, but not to do it FOR her.

Furthermore, what will I take away from her if I don’t allow her the opportunity of finding out what it really takes to reach that goal?

Boom. Perspective.

Of course this knowledge does nothing if its not put into practice, so  its up to me to use this power to effect change in my life.

When you start thinking about it, so many of our earliest lessons in life are worth reexamining.  Look at how much this one little childhood gem has to offer.

Through adult eyes, we see a more multi-dimensional truth than we are able to comprehend as children.

That is one reason why I am drawn to the idea of going back to the source. I think we are meant to revisit these childhood themes again and again, each time finding the new perspective that comes with our life experiences.

Its still annoying when you are faced with a small child and their unending supply of why’s.

There’s still that.