8 Tips I’d Give a New Stay At Home Mom

Are you a new SAHM or have you been home with the kids for what seems like forever? Whether you’re deciding to transition to life with kids, these stay-at-home mom tips are essential to staying motivated as a mom.

I haven’t been secretive about the fact that I’ve struggled through every step of being a stay-at-home mom.

But it’s what I chose, and continue to choose.

Having a dedication to something that I find so challenging, has created times of pain and frustration, uncertainty and fear, guilt and self-doubt. But it has also forced me to grow in ways I never expected, and am so enriched by.

If you are like me, you didn’t really anticipate the depth to which having children, and deciding to stay home with them, would affect you.

It changes and challenges, every part of you, as you start to reorganize your priorities.

It can be an identity stripping experience.

I talked to a few of my SAHM friends to see what they thought, and gathered some great advice that I would give to a new mom who has decided stay home.

1. Find other SAHMs

This is the most popular answer I got from my SAHM friends.

I only have a couple of people that I do things with regularly. I’ve always been like this. It’s just not my jam to be super social.

BUT when my kids were little, my neighbors and their babies were daily staples. I NEEDED to talk to other moms. I needed to fill the days with activities, and so did they. I’m not sure I could have made it if I didn’t have those friends.

My friend Allison shared that this was also an important piece of the puzzle for her too:

“I made sure to plan some time for friend hangs with moms that I also enjoyed hanging out with. That was always a win/win. Conversations with other SAHM moms is great therapy and you can get some really great advice.”

My sister-in-law Lisa also had this as her number one tip. So remember…

You aren’t alone. There are others just like you. Find your support crew.

They need you too!

2. Build Your Toolbox. Now.

I feel confident in saying that things WILL get rough. So set up support systems before you need them.

Regular self-care activities are so important. Things like exercise, meditation, reading, coffee with girlfriends. Just break time.

Whatever it is for YOU.

I know that for me, every time I take a big tumble into the darkness, it’s because I have let my self-care routines slip.

‘But I don’t have time!’, you say.

Valid point.

So you’ve got to be creative sometimes. My friend Allison had another great tip for carving out those precious moments.

‘Self care is everything! Even if it’s just a moment to lock the door and apply a facial mask… I realized when I was able to pull off some alone time, I was much happier and less overwhelmed.’

Basically, don’t wait until you’re crumpled on the floor in the closet to recognize that you need personal time!

3. Treat Yourself Like one of Your Children and Practice Self-Care

Care for yourself as you would care for one of your children. Make sure you eat well, and that your mind, body and spirit are tended to.

I suppose this is a cousin to self-care, but I would call it more self nurturing.

Protect, uplift and guide yourself through the seasons, and the years. Too many times, you will be last on the master list, so make sure that you aren’t always last on your own list.

Think of it as an act of love for your family, to take care of yourself.

Because let me tell you, your sinking ship will take EVERYONE else down too.

4. Practice Perspective

In moments of frustration, it might feel like everything is going to ‘be this way’ forever!

First of all, know that it is true that you may not love all the times of your life equally.

And that’s ok.

Then remember that this is a season, and the next season is right around the corner.

You know the saying…they grow up so fast! It may feel like you have a new normal in your baby, but that normal will change when they are a toddler… if you have more children… when they go to Elementary school… Junior High… Highschool…and on…

And YOU will change as well.

If this ‘season’ is not your favorite. So be it.

Find the joy, take your lessons, and the next season is right around the corner.

But if you are really feeling not cool, catch the alert, and shift some of your time and attention to supporting your mental space better.

5. Check in With Yourself Often

As your kids grow, and the dynamic of your household and its needs changes, you may find that you are still operating in ways that aren’t necessary anymore, and aren’t serving you.

For many people, change is a hard thing, so they end up staying in a familiar place even if it’s not the best for them.

Try to embrace the changes as opportunities for refining yourself and your life.

Remember, all of the experiences raising your children are also enriching YOU too.

Make sure you are gathering those tools!!

6. Continue to Have Goals as a SAHM and Build the YOU You Want to Be

As the seasons progress, don’t forget to keep investing in yourself.

You may not be able to jump into taking action on your dream right now, but you can certainly take steps that move you towards those dreams.

Plan for your future by doing things. Take online classes that interest you. Pursue hobbies that move you. Volunteer, or participate in meaningful pursuits.

Everything you do is an opportunity for you to grow.

While you have decided to dedicate this time of your life to supporting your children, and family life, the time will come when you want to, or need to change.

Be sure to hold space for the ‘Dream YOU’.

Think about what you want for your life and keep that vision alive.

7. Create Boundaries

I think we all just learn this one the hard way. It’s a challenge for lots of people, and I found this book to be SO HELPFUL when creating my own boundaries.

For SAHMs, the desire to please, provide, and ‘hold up their end’ make it hard to say no, and not feel guilty.

It’s also a highly personal thing. The dynamics that work for one person may not work for another.

So I would simply say that your personal needs are valid.

And it’s ok to have boundaries that apply to your friends, your parents, your significant other, and even your kids.

Remember… you are your protector.

8. Never Forget Who You Are

Being a SAHM does not define you.

It is one part of you. A strong, loving, intentional part. Don’t get caught up in thinking you are ONLY a SAHM. This gig is a mental mountain. And you should recognize the immense strength and endurance it takes to climb it.

My friend Joanna put it really well:

‘My advice is never forget who YOU are (not someone’s mom or wife, but you as an individual), never forget what things YOU enjoy in life (not being a mom. We all love our kids, but your hobbies and interests) and most importantly what makes you proud of You. Then I’d say, never stop doing things that answer those questions.’

You are so capable and strong. Don’t let your own or others’ feelings about SAHMs limit your potential.

Oh yeah… and enjoy every minute. It all goes by so fast, you can’t get this time back, stay in the moment… all that stuff too.