The Best LOSER I Can Be!

Posted in Mom Corner

If money equals winning then I’m definitely losing… Big.

I haven’t made a single dime for almost 13 years now. As a stay at home parent, that’s usually the deal.

I say ‘I’m a Loser’ in jest obviously. But it’s always in the background, and sometimes straight up front.

Money= Winning.

It’s not the equation I personally find to be accurate, nor the ruler I choose to measure success.

But I live in this world, and it’s true most places I go.

Being a stay at home parent is a trip. At least for me. I write a lot about it.

And although I’ve only had the one parenting scenario, I’m positive that being a working mom is a tough gig too. The particularities may differ, but the stress and angst that comes with either role surely plays out the same.

For parents who don’t earn an ‘income’, the money factor is a major part of the baggage we get to carry.

And while people frequently obsess about how their parenting style differs from their friends’, the issue I find myself craving the most conversation about is the person inside the parent.

At different times, the focus of my worry has been more child-centric, but it always finds its way back to my personal value.

I started my website My Source Life about 4 years ago.

I don’t actually sell anything, or have ads to create revenue, which leaves people asking me…what are you doing this for?

A year or so ago, I did a life inventory to get more clear on WHY I was still writing my blog, and what purpose it was serving in my life.

I quickly realized its because I HAVE to.

I am driven to do it. It gives me a place to share the things I think are important, and that I think maybe someone else can relate to.

Honestly, I think I would explode if I didn’t have a place to share my thoughts and feelings. My daughter likened my writing on my websites to writing in a diary. Yeah. Kind of. I get to say it my way here.

Do I want my website to bring in an income someday? Yeah, that’s the ultimate goal. But I also know that it is not the reason I keep adding content, and sharing stories.

Then I asked myself…’Shouldn’t you be further along by now?’ Thankfully the answer came to me when I asked…

I guess not.

You know the concept that you are right where you need to be at this moment in time?

Hindsight always confirms this to be true for me, but having faith when you are standing on the other side of time is hard.

Last year, I decided I wanted to build a company…. From scratch.

It was inspired by the life I seek to live on my blog, so I aptly named it My Source Life Bags.

My idea started off as the desire to make better looking, better working, and more environmentally responsible reusable grocery bags, for the eco-warrior who also cares about style.

Am I crazy? Yeah. A little. So…WHY add more to my plate you ask?

Because I can’t live without the energy and drive of purpose! So then what does that mean for me?

Basically, I need to calm down. As usual.

I have nature to blame for most of this. I am an impatient, Type A, unexplainably motivated person.

But I also realize, I am preventing myself from being a part of my right-now-joy with my constant need to achieve.

Well…that’s not exactly right. My need to achieve is perfectly fine. I don’t want to lose that drive. Its my need to achieve…RIGHT NOW.

Its my inability to move towards my goal without the frantic, desperate, anxious energy behind it. ‘I’m only going to be happy when I achieve this, so I better do everything I can to achieve it. FAST!’

Unfortunately, in the drive to satisfy this feeling, life gets tinged with unnecessary stress.

So if my goal of once a week posts has to shift to once a month, I’m pretty sure my world will still keep turning!