The SAHM Graduate Fund

Whether you decide to stay home with the kids, or work outside of the home, parenthood is challenging. Period.

Some experiences are fairly universal. Like guilt. We ALL get our fair share of that!

But when I dove headfirst into the role of SAHM, I had no concept of the challenges that lay ahead of me.

In fact, I don’t think I had heard anyone really talk about the issues I was experiencing.

Which made me kind of irritated.

Why hadn’t I been warned about the very real danger that I was going to lose myself and potentially not be able to find my way back!

I mean, I think that’s an important heads up to give!!

So this idea hit me. A SAHM Graduate fund.

Hear me out.

Not only can the experience of staying home rob SAHM’s of their confidence, but it can limit their personal aspirations, and their future earning potential.

Its because of these reasons, that the choice to be a SAHM is just too great a sacrifice for many women to even consider.

In fact, today, there are more working moms out there than SAHM’s. Approximately 71% of moms work outside of the home, while 29% stay home.

For many, its a financial decision that determines their decision to work . But others simply WANT to work.

Whether it be the need for personal accomplishments, the social relationships that working outside of the home offers, the retention of financial power, or a myriad of other life enriching reasons.

For the mom that decides to stay home there are obvious life enriching reasons for making that choice as well. But what often accompanies this choice, is the end to their personal and professional dreams..

Over the decades, gender roles have continued to change, and I think its time that the role of a SAHM got a bit of a redesign as well.

A mindshift is needed to evolve this role a bit, so that we can decide to stay home, and still have a fulfilling future after that job is done.

I think about this stuff a lot. Because this person is me.

I have been a SAHM for 14 years. But it was only LAST YEAR that I spoke up and declared that I wanted an ‘allowance’ each month to spend on whatever I wanted.

Admittedly it took me entirely too long to recognize that I deserved to have a bit of mad money to spend on whatever I wanted.

Like ridiculously long.

Like…if it was my daughter in this position, I would have told her from the get-go to make sure she had some money, no matter how small an amount, that was for whatever she wanted.

I think that non-decision really played a number on my mind, and my feelings of deservedness.

Looking at the line items on the budget, I felt a need to defend every penny I spent. Confirming that it was for the good of the family, and not frivolously spent.

But spending a little money frivolously is a small joy that I should have allowed myself. I talked to my husband, and we agreed that we should both get an amount for just this purpose.

I started putting away a portion of my allowance each month, and soon I found myself with over $500. And it hit me…

How much money could I have put away for myself if I had only gotten my own spending cash each month? What could I be doing with that money now, or in the future, guilt free, if I’d had the opportunity to decide for myself where and how this money was spent, or saved?

Saying it out loud sounds obvious. But it’s a reality of how I felt, and how many non-breadwinning parents can feel.

It’s being scared that you are going to jeopardize the family finances with your non-essential purchases.

Its being worried that you are taking money away from bills, for a selfish desire.

It’s the need to be the perfect mom, wife, and homemaker. Making sure everyone’s needs are taken care of, then realizing there’s nothing left for you.

It’s feeling unfulfilled, but putting a smile on your face anyway because you don’t want to ruin everyone’ss happiness. And… shouldn’t you feel grateful that you are even able to stay home?

You can feel trapped.

Not earning your own money, can feel like you don’t have any power. And when you can’t see a way of getting that money and power without abandoning the job as a SAHM that you actually DO want to do, it can lead to feelings of despair.

Because I had dreams of personal success…

AND I wanted to be the main caregiver to my children.

Why do those things have to, so often, be at such odds?

Yes, there are successful SAHM stories, but I also think there are a lot of moms struggling to figure out what their priorities should be in this role, and find themselves at the end of the journey feeling like they’ve lost something.

Here’s what I know…

• SAHM’s have been out of the workforce for years, and may have diminished confidence about their abilities outside of the home.

• Our education is behind. Many of us are formerly professional people, but things change, and we may not know the latest and greatest.

• We may not even want to go back to the industry/field we left. We’ve changed during this time, and may have new priorities. How can we break into a new industry without having to start at the very bottom?

Your ability to fulfill your desires, after kids, should be something your family wants for you too, right?

But if you don’t plan ahead, the money may or may not be there. It’s not easy for everyone to find a big chunk of change at any given time.

And even if you could scrape it out of your portfolio, chances are you would feel guilty for all the same reasons you felt guilty about taking money for yourself before, and, for ‘the good of everyone’, wouldn’t spend it on yourself.

So here’s what I’m thinking.

Along with the kids college funds, there should be a SAHM Graduation Fund too. Even if you don’t have college funds for the kids, you should still put something away for YOUR future.

Just $3.00 a day…or $21.00 per week adds up to $1000 per year.

So …home 5 years= $5,000 fund; 10 years home= $10,000 fund; 20 years home= $20,000

Or whatever. These amounts are just an illustration. If you can put aside more, awesome! Not as much, try to do something.

And even if you don’t literally set aside money, discuss it early with your spouse, and have it be agreed upon that you will have an exit plan, and support, for your second act once you are done staying home with the kids.

We should support our own futures, just like we support our children’s. I mean heck, kids have YEARS to get it right, combined with our hand holding!

If you are a new mom, check out my 8 Tips I’d Give a New SAHM. If you’ve been doing this awhile, but need some words of encouragement, take a look at 10 Tips to Keep SAHM’s Motivated.

Let me know what you think, and if you have any ideas that you would add to the SAHM Graduate School Fund.