Feeling Stuck? 10 Tips to Keep SAHMs Motivated

Admission… being a SAHM does not completely fulfill me. I still want to be a SAHM. I just want more in life. And I think that’s ok. If you’re feeling stuck as a stay-at-home mom, there are ways to stay motivated.

Children are only home for about 18 years. That’s a long time, but it’s not forever. And there will be a lot more time left for ME once they have flown the coop.

Which is why I see my time as a SAHM as an evolving one.

What is “Depleted Mother Syndrome?”

There’s a technical term for stay-at-home moms who feel stuck, depressed, and unmotivated. Psychologist Rick Hanson coined the phrase “depleted mother syndrome.”

Can you relate?

My kids needed me constantly when they were little. Then when they went to school, I got some hours to myself.

I wanted to be a part of their elementary school world, so I joined the PTA, and some of my free hours were used up again.

Now that they are in junior and highschool, I’m getting some of my hours back, and I’m staring at the inevitable future where they don’t need my assistance in their daily lives.

Because they still need me now, I still want to be there for them. But I’m also steadfastly building a future for myself, so as they spread their wings, so can I.

If you’re feeling stuck and depleted, I understand. But you don’t have to feel that way forever!

How do Stay-at-Home Moms Stay Mentally Stimulated?

For all those moms who aren’t sure they like the box that being a SAHM puts you in, here are some tips for keeping yourself on your list of priorities.

1) Check in with yourself. Often.

Are you doing things that support your mental health?

If not…now is the time to create some systems for yourself.

Its easy to let yourself slide of the priority list. And truth be told. It will happen over and over and over.

That’s why checking in periodically is important. Reevaluate the balance in your life and make adjustments as needed.

You and your happiness are just as important as everyone else’s.

2)Steal Inspiration

See another mom in your position doing something you are envious of, or wish you could do?

Be inspired not jealous.

Its easy for someone who isn’t in your position to have all kinds of solutions. But hearing from someone who struggles with the same challenges you do makes their advice much more valued.

Watching someone else is a great first step to getting your mojo back.

If she did it, so can you.

3) Value Your Own Personal Development

Put time into refining yourself.

We never stop growing, learning and changing. Even when we become adults and parents.

Don’t stunt your own growth tending to everyone elses’ needs.

In the end, you may find yourself resentful when the efforts you put into everyone else pays off, while you are still stuck at square one.

4) Remember, it’s a Season

There IS life after SAHMomming.

Shift your perspective to recognize that this might be the perfect opportunity for you to start laying some groundwork for your next role.

Find all the fulfillment and joy you can during this time in your life. Be present for the important moments. But don’t forget to think about your future as well.

Continue taking small steps towards enriching yourself, whether it be educationally, experientially, mentally, or physically.

What do you need to work on to take yourself to the next level when its time? Do that.

5) Create a Plan

When I am tumbling down, the only way for me to come out of it is to have an Action plan.

A series of steps that can take me out of the place I feel stuck in.

Do the work and ease your mind.

The future is unwritten, so take some steps to craft something that will elevate you.

6) Start before you are ready

How long is your education going to take? You may not even know.

And who is to say that the first thing you try is going to be the thing that speaks to you. You may have to go down a few paths before you find the one that’s right for you.

Luckily, you have time to start, stop, pivot, and reinvent. None of it is wasted time.

Remember that saying that a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step….that part.  

7) Find your CAN do

Don’t let your kids be an excuse.

If you can’t do all the things that you want to do because of your SAHM commitments, that’s ok. Do whatever you can.

My role as a SAHM is important to me, and often takes precedence over other activities I’m working on.

But moving towards a goal, even if its super slow,  feels better than doing nothing at all.

Remember… Practice makes perfect. And your gift is to have plenty of time to practice.

8) Embarrasment is fleeting.

I’m sure you’ve seen this one in action before.

You may feel mortified in the moment, but be sure that someone else is going to do something much more interesting and entertaining soon and take the eyes off you.

Think of it as building a muscle.

The more you DO things you are scared of and make it through, the easier it is.

Bite the bullet. Get up, dust yourself off, and try again.

9) Try Stuff

You may find that it’s not the right fit for you, but don’t see it as a failure.

Not only did you eliminate something from your future list, but in the process you no doubt picked up some skills that will  help you with in next endeavor.

Even if they don’t lead directly to a job, or the next version of you, learning is always worthwhile, and leaves you stronger and more capable.

10) Face the Music

Blaming others is easy, but it doesn’t really fix anything and only leaves you mad.

Figure out what is missing in your world, and work on it.

There is another version of you waiting in the wings.

Nurture her and set her up for a great future.

You deserve it.