I’m Not A Snob…I’m an ‘Extroverted Introvert’…

As a kid I was a ‘tender heart’. Like my mom. But somewhere along the way, the need to be exceptional joined the mix.

That’s a tough combo, let me tell you.

I read an article recently that really got me thinking about some of my ‘quirks’. It organized them in a way that offered an unexpected clarity for me. The article was called ‘10 Everyday Things Only Extroverted Introverts Will Understand’.

It broke down like this:

1. You have no problem talking to strangers but when the conversation is just small talk you’d rather just go back to being alone.

2. If you’re not comfortable in a group of people you keep to yourself in the back.

3. You have days where you want to talk to everyone and days where you don’t want to be contacted.

4. You prefer meaningful conversation.

5. You’re always wrapped up in your own head.

6. Sometimes it’s really hard to get us out.

7. Just because you like being alone doesn’t mean you like being lonely.

8. You enjoy listening to others.

9. You’re selectively social. 

10. You make new friends easily, but have a harder time maintaining those friendships.

And all these years, I just thought I was a freak! Clearly I’m not the only one, and even better, its common enough that someone has given it a name!!

Its hard to describe the relief you feel when you realize that other people are experiencing the same feelings you are. When you realize it’s a thing.

I think over the years I’ve gotten incorrectly labeled a snob because I may appear disinterested at social gatherings. And lots of times… I am… Sorry. But along with that I’m usually also feeling uncomfortable. And even awkward.

Because I feel unable to be the ‘fun’ girl, I am convinced that people find me dull. Therefore my small talk is often uninspired.

Because I often find it overwhelming to go ‘out with the girls’, I don’t form the close relationships which result from such time spent together, and so I am never part of the ‘inner circle’.

Because I am often so stressed by the idea of having a conversation with someone on the phone, I avoid reaching out or connecting until so much time has passed that the interaction becomes uncomfortable.

I am also SO focused on others reactions, that I create entire scenarios in my mind about what they are feeling and why. This usually doesn’t end well. I’ve whipped myself up into a frenzy for days, even weeks over something that may or may not have even happened in real life.

BUT, I will talk your ear off if its a one–on-one situation. I’ll talk for hours with the other oddball I find in the corner, learning all about them and chatting like old friends. And at events, I am usually an enthusiastic participant.

But taking those friendly interactions further takes time for me. I’m not one to jump into being best friends and hang out every weekend. With 2 kids and a husband coupled with my personal pursuits, and my need for alone time, I don’t really have that much ‘extra’ time anyways. And if I do…I probably just want to chill with my dog.

That’s why I love computer correspondence. I can do e-mails. I fit them into the cracks in my day, and don’t have to carve out hours of my life to keep in contact. Yes I can hear myself… Terrible. But my emails will usually be timely, and contain a thoughtful response! Of course I know its not the same as truly connecting with a real person, and thats why I do feel its important for me to make the effort to extend my boundaries a bit more. But in the meanwhile, if you don’t hear from me, shoot me an e-mail.

While that may have sounded like a worst qualities rant, it wasn’t. Its just the truth. I don’t, however,  think that I have to be controlled by those inclinations. I see them for what they are…inclinations. Sometimes I go along with them, but other times I decide that what I want to do is in conflict with those feelings, and that’s where the life work comes in.

Those quirks have led to some hard times. The need to conform to my ideals has truly broken me down. But I usually feel like things happen for a reason.

And in hindsight, I’m thankful for those breakdowns, because they cleared out some clutter to make room for all of the new stuff I’m adding in. Things that I have chosen for myself and my life, not just things I was born with or that were passed down through the generations.

I can’t wait to see what I create.