5 questions to Ask Yourself When You Are Feeling Stuck

What would life be like if JOY was your priority?

-Gabrielle Bernstein

When faced with one of those big grown up choices like which job do I take, or should I stay in the home or work, how do you decide which way to go?

For me the question I’ve currently been pondering is, what is the most important thing for me to spend my time doing right now?

As a SAHM, or at least for me in the role of SAHM, there is the inherent notion that my kids and family come first.

That might even be a universal Mom experience. But its a classic for a reason. Because its a struggle that happens as we try to honor our roles as Mothers and Wives, while also remembering to honor ourselves and our experience in this life.

I could ramble on about this, can you tell…?

But first…let me go back about 2 years.

In May of 2022, I ran a Kickstarter Campaign to help launch my little brand MSL Bags . It was the culmination of this same moment in time about 3 years ago, where I questioned what I wanted for my life besides being a SAHM.

At that time, I had decided that I yes, I absolutely wanted to stay home while my kids were still in the house. Not only that, but I feel strongly about it, and it feels like a valid priority to me.

So that felt solid.

But I also acknowledged to myself that I wanted more. You’ve only got one go around on this earth, and I refuse to live with regret for never believing in myself, never giving myself a real chance, never trying to do ‘the thing.’

So I decided to go on an inner search to find out what I was truly passionate about, and see if I could start a small business.

That journey turned out to be much longer than I expected.

It began in May of 2020, you know, the forgotten year? I think everyone was trying all kinds of things during that weird year. For me, it was taking an online course in creating a sustainable brand.

I learned about sourcing materials, and manufacturing samples, websites, and creating social media accounts. SO many things!

But when it came to funding my product, I had to get creative.

I’ve already talked about my troubled relationship with money, so I absolutely was not going to gamble my families’ money on something that may or may not work out.

So I needed to find another way to fund my dream.

You may or may not have heard about Kickstarter, but its an online crowdsourcing platform to raise money for your project. And a campaign is no joke. Here are just a few words for you:

…photo shoot, promotional video, finished samples, campaign page, project story, financial breakdowns, tiered prize structure for pledges, landing pages, social media and email campaigns, facebook live events…

And each of those steps was about a gazillion steps within itself!

Suffice it so say, I was working my butt off.

All the while trying to make sure that my REAL job as a mom and homemaker was not suffering too much from my need to focus on ‘my project’.

Thankfully my hard work payed off! And after a successful Kickstarter, came the task of making those projections on paper into a real product. Can you say… Gulp.

Buying and sending the fabric to the manufacturers, designing and ordering labels and product packaging, shipping and packing materials, etc, etc…

Once the bags were done- there was a new task at hand. Fulfillment to all my backers, which meant a mountain of ironing and folding and packaging and shipping. (Thank you friends that came over and helped!)

Then it was time to finish and launch the website so that other people could actually order the bags.

On January 10th of this 2023, my website launched, and I set to trying to figure out the whole social media of it all.

When summer hit and the kids were out of school, I had it in my mind that I would have soooo much time to work on my business.

Boy was I wrong.

I was even busier! Having my schedule totally disrupted with random-ness because my kids slept in late and then wanted to go somewhere. And then get picked up.

There was triple the mess, and my cleaning was undone almost as soon as it was completed.

I couldn’t get any kind of consistent rhythm going. I would get irritated that I couldn’t any ‘work’ done, and then it would all come flooding to me that what I didn’t want was to be irritable and ‘working’ when there was prime memory making time with my children here.

So the business push would have to wait.

By the time school came back around I was chomping at the bit! All that pent up anxiety about how much I had NOT been working to grow my business, and how much I had been planning in my head to do once I was able to get back to it.

I had been hustling hard for the last 3 years and it felt like I had to keep hustling that hard.

But I when I was forced to pause during the summer, I started to remember what it was all really about.

My goal had been to have an outlet. An accomplishment of my own. Something that I could work on, something I cared about. But most importantly- something that allowed me to be the kind of SAHM I wanted to be.

And I had done that……but somewhere along the line, I lost that thread.

I had more than I could accomplish on my to do lists, and it was starting to take a toll on my mental health and overall happiness. I felt like I couldn’t get everything done, and that in the meanwhile, everything in my life was suffering because of my need to do ‘all the things’.

As one might expect, I finally broke, and decided that I needed to sit down and take a good hard look at what was going on in my life, and determine what my priorities were . Because this was not working.

I took a week off of Social Media, and was intentional about not doing any work on anything ‘work’ related. I wanted to give my mind a break, and more importantly, an opportunity to ponder, and allow the answers to find their way to the surface.

Its never fun to be in that place, but the good thing is, I’ve been here before. For good, and bad, I am a stubbornly persistent person. Who also craves structure.

So I created a simple series of questions that really help me see, in black and white, where my priorities are at this moment in my life.

You can answer based on what you want your life to look like this YEAR, or for a whole SEASON of life.

The questions are just there to help you figure out what your priorities are, so you can better determine how you want to distribute your time and efforts.

1- List the following words in descending order, beginning with your top priority.

(Make sure to think about what you REALLY feel, not what you think you SHOULD feel. Remember this can be your little secret. No one needs to see your answers.)

Friends, Family, Physical Fitness/Appearance, Financial Security, Personal Achievement, Other

1_____________________________

2______________________________

3_____________________________

4______________________________

5_____________________________

Add whatever categories feel right to you.

Next time you have a question about what choice to make, you can see do this quick exercise and see where it falls on your list of priorities.

Remember, if you build it that way, thats how it will be. So build it the way you want it.

Repeat this exercise next year, or as often as needed.

UPDATE:

If you are wondering what I decided to do… I just decided to relax on the expectations of my business, and just enjoy what I was doing.

So, I did my very first Craft Fair, and had a blast. I took a step that was outside my comfort zone, and took a step forward in whatever journey I’m on here.

And I’m happy with that.

My plan is to do a couple of these a year, during the times of the season that aren’t disruptive to kid/family life.That gives me time to make one or two new items each time I do a show.

And in the meanwhile, I am going to live life with the most peace, joy, inspiration, and fulfillment as I can. Taking the steps I am able to, and then allowing things to unfold as they will.