Is it Really Worth it?

I found out that my brother was killed by a stray bullet this past week as he was riding his bicycle. Some guys decided to play target practice with their guns in the front yard, and Tafari paid the price.

He was in his mid-thirties, had a twin sister, 5 children including a 1 year old, 2 half siblings, a mother and father, and a tribe of faithful friends. There was a lot of unfinished business in the relationships he had. And each person who didn’t get to resolve their issues is left with the pain of knowing that they can never make it right with him. That chance is gone in this lifetime.

Meanwhile, I am witnessing 2 friends in my life who are at a stalemate. Refusing to take the first step to make it right with the other because they feel wronged.

The timing of these issues only illuminates for me the utter pointlessness of maintaining that place. The unnecessary angst and emotion involved. The destruction of personal lives and friendships by holding that place of righteousness. By stoking the anger, and effectively ‘punishing’ someone by a refusal to address the issues, more people are involved, and the darkness spreads outwards.

It’s a lot of things. But mostly really uncool.

What happened to personal accountability, compassion for another person’s feelings, and a generosity of self. I just can’t get behind the utter conceit that one person’s issues are paramount to everyone else’s, and that the suffering of those who get dragged into the mess,  somehow has nothing to do with their actions, and they are simply the victim waiting for the apologies they deserve.

Tafari’s death has reignited my desire to rid my life of the meaningless minutia of these kinds of arguments, and the supporting of those unwilling to see things from another perspective.

There is so much else to focus on in life. Why decide that you are going to hold on to the bitter end until you get what you ‘deserve’ no matter who gets taken down, or what gets destroyed in the process? As a child I was taught that you don’t apologize to get an apology back…its about being right in your own heart. You can’t control other people, and sometimes they are not going to do the right thing.

But at the end of the day, when you lay your head down, are you right with the way you handled yourself? If that person was taken away from you tomorrow, would you be ok with the way you left your relationship? Because no matter what is going on, you have control over your own actions.

For me, this is a horrible reminder that life has so many unexpected turns, that it is completely tragic to simmer with righteous indignation. Because at any time the moment may come when your chance to remedy things will be taken away, and you may regret that you held on so long to such meaninglessness.

My brother

I personally will hold Tafari’s memory as a daily inspiration to love big, listen generously, live compassionately, and remember to focus on the things that matter. Because if you allow darkness to infect your life, and then hold onto it with strong hands, don’t be surprised when it sticks around.