The Only Vegan in the House

In general, I would say I am a pretty average person. I am 42 years old, a stay at home mom to two children, and the wife of a busy husband. I’m also Vegan. Which didn’t feel that weird, until I moved from New York to the suburbs of California.

To be totally fair, I have for some time felt like the oddball at many a gathering when people were all of a sudden thrown into a panic at the prospect of feeding me…

‘What exactly does Vegan mean…Oh my gosh…what does she eat?!’

Thankfully my mother is also Vegan, so I’ve always had a place to go where no one was baffled by how I managed to make a meal.

Another part that people are often confused by, is the fact that I am the only Vegan in my household. My husband, and both of my children are Omnivores. ‘How is that possible? Do you have to make 2 different meals everyday?!’ My simple answer is… Its really not that hard. Some things families regularly eat like pasta and spaghetti sauce, are most of the time Vegan already. Other things are easily adapted, like making soups or cooking with vegetable stock instead of chicken or beef stock, substituting nut milk or soymilk for cow’s milk, and shifting focus to beans and grains and away from meats. Of course now there is a growing array of Vegan meat substitutes, margarines and shortenings, ice creams and cheeses, and pretty much anything else you could want or need.

To be clear, being Vegan is not necessarily the path to being healthy. You can eat just as many processed foods, and easily eat in a way that does not provide the proper nutrients for a healthy body. I think there are many people who think that just by virtue of not eating animal products you are eating a healthier diet. Definitely not so.

For me, becoming Vegan was a choice, in part, motivated by health concerns. So while those substitutes still make an appearance in our lives, as processed foods do in most peoples diets, they are not the main focus. More importantly, as the one responsible for feeding my family, I felt an overwhelming responsibility to make sure that I was providing my kids the building blocks they needed for their growing bodies. It was of the utmost importance that my dietary choices not be detrimental to the health of my family. So before I left New York, I made the decision to attend the Natural Gourmet Institute, a health supportive, plant based cooking school. I wanted to learn how to make anything using ingredients that were not only Vegan, but a healthier option.

So there is the Vegan part of things. But as I said before, my husband and children are Omnivores. This is where the bigger questions come in…‘Doesn’t it seem hypocritical if you believe in a Vegan lifestyle and the ideals associated with it, to feed your family meat?…If you feel so strongly about the health benefits, why don’t you want to protect your kids as well?’

Well, I don’t feel like its my job to make my children do what I want them to do. In fact, to me it seems counterproductive. How is it helpful to them if they don’t feel confident in making their own decisions but simply rely on what someone else has told them to be the truth. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not letting my 5 year old decide he’s not going to go to school anymore, or allowing my 7 year old to choose to have ice cream for dinner. I am most definitely there to guide them in life. But ultimately, I want them to be able to take in all the facts, and make informed decisions. And I want those decisions to be their own.

As they grow up, they are going to understand the reasons why I became Vegan. They will see the commitment I have made to my personal ideals despite what others around me chose to do. Those are the qualities I want to impart. Not a commandment that they must do what I tell them until they are old enough to get out of the house. I don’t want them to lose sight of the principles I feel are important because they are so angry that they have been controlled and denied experiences for 18 years.

I didn’t grow up Vegan. I ate everything. I experienced every kind of meat, egg, fish and dairy dish there was. I had any and all junk foods. And some of them were awesome! None of that swayed me in my decision to give up those things for what I believed in. I want my kids to have those experiences as well. There is nothing that is going to make a kid want something more than to tell them they can’t have it. It only elevates the item to some mythical greatness.

The way I see it they are getting the best of both worlds. They get to have all those traditional American taste experiences, both good and bad, that connect them with all the other American kids they are growing up with. Meanwhile they are developing a wider palate, learning to appreciate whole grains, vegetables and beans, and are eating a diet that is less focused on all the stuff most people would agree we should eat less of anyways. Win, win.

Most of the reasons I chose to be Vegan however, are not about health at all, but are about being aware of how the way we live our lives impacts other beings and the planet we live on. I want them to know the truth of our how food is produced, and question whether its something they want to participate in, or whether they should fight for a better way.  In my opinion ignorance should not be an excuse, and complacency constitutes participation. I want them to be honest with themselves and have integrity. I came across a passage in ‘The Art of Living Consciously’ that spoke to just this awareness.

“Living consciously reflects the conviction that sight is preferable to blindness; that respect for the facts of reality yields more satisfying results than defiance of the facts of reality; that evasion does not make the unreal real, or the real unreal; that I am better served by correcting my mistakes than by pretending they do not exist; and that the more conscious I am of facts bearing on my life and goals, the more wisely and effectively I can act.”-Nathaniel Branden

As a mom, I feel that its my job to protect my children and to help them to successfully navigate life. I want to raise confident, compassionate, responsible and moral people, and I try to be an example as often as I can. I hope to inspire them, and they in turn inspire me to be my best self as well. And if they never choose to be Vegan, that’s fine with me. I do however hope that they will embody some of the reasons ‘I’ chose to become Vegan.