10 Tips I’d Tell My 18 Year-Old Self.

As a 40-something woman, I have had time to reflect on the way my life has unfolded so far.

And as a mother of a 15 year old girl, I have been confronted with determining what I want to share with her about what I did right, and what I wouldn’t have spent my time, effort, or mental space on.

Here are 10 of my biggest pieces advice for the young women coming up behind me. (And reminders for the rest of us)

1) Do Things that you love.

There is so much concern about ‘What am I going to do- who am I going to be- what should I study!’

What I’d say is… Do the things that interest you. Don’t get caught up in doing what everyone else is doing. It will just take you a long time, and wasted opportunities to finally accept its just not your thing.

I don’t mean that if you like to lay in your room and watch tv, that is what you should do! I mean, DO things. If you are into art, create it. Enter contests, take workshops, find mentors. Immerse yourself in the things that bring you joy. You want to develop your likes into professions. Become GREAT at what you love.

2) Work with intention, but not fear. 

They say it takes 10,000 hours to become a professional. So if you know its going to take a while to get somewhere meaningful, then just relax and start.

Try to enjoy the time you are using to build up your skills, knowing that this is a necessary phase that you need to move through. The building phase.

But you also want to be enjoying every part of your life as much as you can. Don’t deceive yourself into thinking that every moment is supposed to be sunshine and roses! BUT, you don’t have to hate it all either.

Accept that you are in a moment of laying down your foundation, and work steadily on your building blocks by adding experiences, and accomplishments to resume. In the next phase of your life, you will need to draw from this experience, and you want to make sure that you have something to draw from.

3) Fake it till you make it.

You know…dress for the job you want, not the one you have. Act like you know what you are doing, then figure it out when no one is looking.

Don’t be arrogant, but don’t let others make you feel stupid either. You probably have more ability than you are giving yourself credit for, and skill simply comes from practice.

Confidence plays a big role in how much you are willing to push yourself to grow, and if you don’t legitimately have it, pretend like you do and move forward through your activities with an interest in learning and doing it right, but with the attitude that you know you can, even if inside you’re not sure.

4) Sometimes a closed door is your best friend.

You want what you want! I know!!

But anyone over the age of 30 will most likely agree that there are things that they wanted so badly, that they didn’t get, that they are grateful didn’t work out.

Keep in mind that this will happen to you to. ‘Missed opportunities’ will turn out to be blessings in disguise. It will turn out that thing you wanted was whack, or it made you pivot to another direction that is even better for you, or another opportunity will arise that you wouldn’t have been able to take had you gotten what you initially wanted.

You may feel heartbroken in the moment, and hearing this piece of advice may not help while you are in it. But fast forward a few years, and in hindsight, you may find that you are so glad that what you wanted didn’t work out.

5) Let the other person be the jerk.

Emotions get big, sometimes you are right, sometimes you are wrong. Make sure your behavior is on the up and up, so when the story gets rehashed, because…um…gossip…

You always maintain your integrity. It sucks when you and everyone else realize that YOU were the jerk in the situation. It may be challenging in the moment, but years of that habit will build trust and respect among your peers, and be a valuable commodity for you.

6) Give your time to people who love you you.

Not everyone is going to like you. Not everyone is meant to be a part of your life. Most importantly, not everyone DESERVES to get your time.

If you have to chase them, they’re not your people. If you are the only one putting in the effort, maybe its not the right fit. There’s no reason to get mad, or get your feelings hurt about it. (Though I can pretty much guarantee you will!) But you will eventually realize that YOU’RE people are waiting for you, so go find them.

They’ll love you.

7) Respect yourself enough to create boundaries.

People learn how to treat you by what you allow.

Allow it, and it will be done to you. They will assume the way they are treating you works for you. Otherwise you’d say something…right?

Be respectful, but show others how to treat you. If they disrespect you, allow them an opportunity to explain or make amends. If they don’t its probably best to move on now.

Or don’t. If you can live with your friends faults, that’s fine.  We all have friends who you forgive on the regular. Just don’t expect more from them than they can give, or you will be disappointed a lot.

8) You can’t FIX people.

If you love them, you can still love them without enabling them. Step away. Allow them to do the work they need to.

They make be going through something that is making it hard for them to meet you here. But that doesn’t mean you should be dragged along for the ride. They need to work through that.

Leave a space for them to return when they are ready.

9)Understanding feels better than Anger.

Being mad doesn’t feel good. Although it may not fix the problem, if you can understand someones motivations, or the pathology behind the behaviors, from a human experience level, you can make peace so much easier.

It doesn’t mean that you excuse, or allow. It means you understand. Sure its sad. It’s disappointing. But living in anger will only serve to poison you.

10) Keep Learning.

Maintain a mind that is open to going beyond what you currently know. Learning doesn’t stop. If it does, so do you.

Always be working on yourself. It will be your biggest gift, and the most important factor in your ability to grow past where you are.

Blame is easy, but it doesn’t fix anything. If you are fixated on how something is someone else’s fault you will only keep yourself stuck.

And the biggest part…? Keep going. Even when it scares you. Pushing past that feeling of fear will empower you when you realize that you ARE capable, and will open doors to new opportunities and adventures you will forever be grateful for.

Need some more motivation? Check out the 8 Tips I’d Give a New Stay at Home Mom, or 10 Tips to Keep a SAHM Motivated.